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All POWER is in the NOW
Hi, I’m Elizabeth, a Family Services Counselor at Laurel Land Memorial Park and a Pre-Planning Advisor for the DFW market.
It is my daily honor and privilege to support families
to find a peaceful resting place for their beloved and
to plan in advance for that inevitable day.
I have guided more than 200 families to bury their loved one, and I've had hundreds of conversations with community members about planning ahead.
Understandably, few of us want to talk about our mortality.
For some, contemplating your own death (or that of a loved one) feels like a bad omen, while the topic is simply too distressing to many others.
But, I've yet to meet a person who fully denies that "I too will die one day."
And since that's the case, get comfortable, wherever you are, and continue reading.
I'm going to share with you how to overcome fear and hesitancy, so you can finally build a legacy of living courageously.
I want to reveal why I believe that embracing and accepting death as a part of life is one of the most empowering mental shifts you can make.
A shift that changes you for the better.
Death Affirms Life
My first memory is of my maternal grandfather.
He is seated on a low stool, hunched over, warming himself by a wood burning fire. The flickering fire casks shadows onto the dark kitchen walls. He looms large in my imagination, emanating comfort and ease. It is dark, but I am drawn to him, eager to listen to his stories. This is a warm, comfortable, safe and happy place.
He died when I was nearing 3 years old.
At seven, I moved to the United States with my parents, leaving behind most everything I knew.
In a foreign land, I felt constant confusion and uncertainty. I lost something indescribable on the move, and it'd take years before I could define what I lost.
The first clue came at 11 years-old, when I learned to ride a bike.
The bike expanded my territory. About a mile from our house, I discovered an old graveyard, St. Mary's Cemetery.
It became my hideaway.
Arriving, I’d jump off my bike and walk towards the sun kissed boulders where crows convened. Looking at the names, dates and epitaphs as I walked, I contemplated the life encapsulated by each tombstone --
mother, father, daughter, son, uncle, aunt, sister, brother, friend.
Beloved.
At the cliffs, I’d climb up, sit legs crossed, and allow the rock to cradle me.
I watched as cars zoomed, noted people walking on the sidewalk, and spotted anyone cutting through the cemetery before they could see me.
I smiled at the trees dancing in the wind – these were especially beautiful in the Fall when the leaves turned to flaming ambers.
Parched on the rock, my mind drifted to who these people were and what their lives must have been like. Tombs holding children showed me to the fragility of life, while weather-beaten, faded graves – some more than one hundred years old – put me in awe.
One hundred years isn’t so remote.
Meditating of these people's lives put me at ease. I learned to appreciate how fleeting it all is.
I fell in love with cemeteries not because of death, but because of the life each headstone represents.
Being fully present with those who have gone before humbles and empowers me to keep going.
Quietly, I ask of them:
“What would you tell a young soul seeking to live a good life?”
I listen.
We may never know why ...
We rarely know when ...
But each of us will breathe a final breath.
And since you can't be sure when your time will come, the only thing left is to make each day mean something.
This became my approach to living.
I become intentional about learning, growing, loving and evolving.
Living life having accepted death is part of the process equipped me to handle the many other losses (call them disappointments) that can accompany life.
To be born is to anticipate an end.
To grow is the shed the old.
To love is to risk hurt.
To evolve is to mutate.
Life Requires Courage.
Life Grants You Choice
When I decided to pivot professionally, I surprised even myself by being drawn to work at a cemetery.
I was hesitant. How do I explain this one? What will people think?
But as I researched and had conversations, I found myself drawn towards my maternal grandfather once again.
I prayed, mediated and laid it before him, seeking guidance and a blessing. I've never approached a professional decision this way, but I've also never felt so fulfilled professionally.
While I did not know any of the people buried at St. Mary’s Cemetery or at any of the many others at the cemeteries that I've visited since, I feel connected and secure recognizing something shared with those who have gone before us.
Death is there, always there.
But at this present moment, I can be at peace, affirming that this is not my moment.
Instead, I have the opportunity to live into the fullness of this moment, so that, when my day comes, I can embrace Death and the mystery that follows.
Perhaps from beyond, I will hear the call of another solitary soul seeking guidance.
I'll tell her:
Embrace Life.
Embrace the mystery, the adventure, and ease into the unknown.
Embrace the power to choose what you will and will not do.
Embrace your power in this moment.
Live Courageously.
A Proficient & Compassionate Planning Partner for Your Peace of Mind
Planning for finish strong is something you CHOOSE to do.
It is an act of courage.
When you set up a preneed, you not only ensure your wishes will be honored, you also protect your family against unnecessary emotional and financial anguish in their most desperate moment.
Planning ahead allows you to be a blessing to your loved ones, days after your spirit has departed from your physical form.
It is the last and most loving gift.
I personally invite you to PLAN YOUR CELEBRATION OF LIFE with me.
I promise the conversation is easier than you image.
A Matter of When
Ten AM on a sunny Fall morning in 2024, I attended the celebration of life for a mother, grandmother and great-grandmother, whose long life was blessed with laughter and worship. Family members reminisced how, in her final moments, she told them, "I'm ready to go home. I will celebrate my 100th birthday with mother and father and Jesus."
An hour later, I entered a conference room to guide a young father to make burial arrangements his daughter. A delightful young lady, whose magnificent smile lit up every room she entered and warmed every heart that had the pleasure of knowing her. She was 23.
None of us knows when.
I don't and you don't, but...
Imagine the relief of knowing that no matter what happens, your family doesn't need to stress about the logistics of what, when, how.
You will have made the most important and mundane decisions, so your family has the space to begin the grieving and healing process, instead of being stuck in logistical mayhem.
As for you, once you secure your preneed, guess what?
You infuse certainty into something that can often be so uncertain.
Freeing yourself to live your life more courageously.
Preplanning is practical, logical, responsible and incalculably loving.
How Pre-Need Work
"Pre-need" refers to making arrangements for your cemetery and burial or cremation services in advance, and often prepaying for them. The primary goal of pre-need planning is to ease the emotional and financial burden on your loved ones during a difficult time, and to ensure your final wishes are honored.
Here's a breakdown of how pre-needs typically work:
1. Planning the Arrangements:
Detailed Choices: You meet with a pre-need advisor to outline all the details of your desired funeral or cremation service. This can include:
Disposition: Burial, cremation, etc.
Service Type: Traditional funeral, memorial service, celebration of life, graveside service.
Specifics: Casket or urn, embalming, viewing/visitation, flowers, music, readings, officiant, pallbearers, transportation (hearse, limousines), printing costs (programs, prayer cards), and even obituary details.
Venue: Funeral home, church, private home, cemetery, or other location.
Final Resting Place: burial options (below ground, tomb/mausoleum), cremation options (niches, scattering, etc.), family estate, build to suit options
Personalization: Pre-need plans allow for a high degree of personalization, ensuring your funeral truly reflects your life, values, and preferences.
2. Funding the Plan:
Payment Options:
Lump Sum: You pay the entire cost of the pre-need plan upfront.
Installments: You make regular payments (monthly, quarterly, etc.) over a set period (e.g., 3, 5, or 10 years).
How the Money is Held: The funds you pay for a pre-need plan are typically held in one of two ways to protect your investment:
Funeral Trust: Your payments are deposited into an interest-bearing trust account, managed by a third-party trustee. The funeral home is designated as the beneficiary.
Revocable Trust: You retain control over the funds and can usually change or cancel the contract and get a refund (though limitations may apply). However, the funds might be considered "countable assets" for Medicaid eligibility.
Irrevocable Trust: These accounts are more restrictive and generally cannot be changed or refunded, except to switch funeral homes. They are often used by individuals who need to protect assets for Medicaid eligibility, as the funds are typically excluded from countable assets after a certain look-back period.
Pre-need Insurance Policy: This is a specialized life insurance policy where the funeral home is named as the beneficiary. You pay premiums, and upon your death, the death benefit goes directly to the funeral home to cover the pre-arranged services. This often offers portability if you move and added protection for the family.
3. Guaranteed vs. Non-Guaranteed Services:
Guaranteed Services: Many pre-need plans offer "guaranteed" services, meaning the price of those specific items and services is locked in at today's rates, regardless of inflation. This is a significant benefit.
Non-Guaranteed Services: Some services or merchandise might be "non-guaranteed." If the cost of these items increases by the time of your passing, your loved ones may be responsible for the difference. It's crucial to understand what is and isn't guaranteed in your contract.
What Happens at the Time of Death
When you pass away, your family informs the funeral home with whom you made the pre-need arrangements.
The funeral home accesses the funds from the trust or insurance policy to cover the costs of the services you pre-selected.
Your loved ones are spared the emotional and financial burden of making these decisions during their grief.
Key Benefits of Pre-Need Planning
Peace of Mind: You have control over your final arrangements, ensuring your wishes are met.
Reduces Burden on Family: Your loved ones are relieved of difficult decisions and financial stress during a highly emotional time.
Financial Protection: Prepaying can lock in prices at today's rates, protecting against inflation.
Avoids Family Conflict: Clear documentation of your wishes can prevent disagreements among family members.
Important Considerations
Read the Contract Carefully: Understand what is included, what is guaranteed, and any terms regarding refunds, transfers, or changes.
Portability: If you move to a different area or state, ensure your pre-need plan can be transferred to another funeral home or that the funds can be used elsewhere. Pre-need insurance policies are often more portable than trust-based plans.
Funeral Home Stability: While trusts and insurance policies offer protection, it's wise to choose a reputable and established funeral home.
Communicate with Family: Inform your loved ones that you have a pre-need plan and where the documentation is kept.
Pre-need plans are a proactive way to plan for the inevitable, providing comfort and clarity for both you and your family.
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